I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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