Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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