Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We left the knife in your bed.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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