I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's like iHOP with fire
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
