My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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