in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
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You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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