you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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