Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
