Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
