Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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