I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
