Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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