wanna go halves on a baby?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
