Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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