tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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