Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
