If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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