i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
