He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
