DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
