We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
