the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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