next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
