grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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