Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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