I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
