Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
