I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
