eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
