my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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