I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
