now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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