someone threw a dead crab at me
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
