it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
