My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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