If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
