don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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