My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
