So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
