What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
