im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
