I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
