Soap is not a condiment
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
