Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
