im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
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