I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
