I think my fart just growled at me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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