honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
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He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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