Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
