an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
