We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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