She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
