But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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