well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
