His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
