i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
