just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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