My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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