I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
