Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
