she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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