i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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