this beer tastes like vomit already
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
