So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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