i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
