Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
