i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
