He disabled his match.com account in front of me
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
