She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
