I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
