hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
