The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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