I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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