I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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