From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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