i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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