Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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