Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
