Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I supernannyed him into submission
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
