I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
