She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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