I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
