i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
