I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I cannot find my penis.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
