I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
