just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
